Firstly, I’m sorry I have been so recently M.I.A I needed a bit of a break after chemo 6 as I found this one so mentally challenging. Chemo 6 was meant to be a positive chemo due to it being halfway but a number of things added up to it being so difficult…1) everything was go-go around Christmas that I actually felt normal, but I was then suddenly transported back into the land of cancer and dealing with chemotherapy the day after boxing day which, was hard. 2) my boyfriend and his family went away for new year, skiing. A trip that I had planned to go on before finding out I was poorly. This was really hard for me to sit back and watch them all go, I didn’t want to miss out but I unfortunately had no choice. To be honest, this is one of the only times where I have been angry with my current situation, cancer was holding me back from living my life, creating memories and being normal and this angered me like nothing else, I felt like cancer was in control. My plan for this blog post was to do a generic update about what’s been going on and to keep you all in the loop of my journey. But this post will now be slightly more interesting (luckily for you) after another weekend away in my local NHS Hotel, as I like to call it.
After monitoring my temperature all Thursday evening, in the early hours of Friday morning my temperature reached its highest and it was another trip to A&E. This time round the staff seemed to be a bit more understanding of my situation and I felt like they took it more seriously then they did in my previous experience. There was no waiting in the waiting room with everyone and I was taken straight to a cubicle. I was given my antibiotics for suspected neutropenia and for an infection somewhere in my body. I then had blood taken for a blood test so they could see what was going on. 3 hours later and the nurse in charge came to speak to us and said how she was going to move me to my own separate room as the results were back from my blood test and I was severely neutropenic, in my case I had 0.0 neutrophils…meaning I had no immune system whatsoever and I could literally pick up anything. To put it into perspective for you, the average range of neutrophils for a healthy person can be anywhere between 1.5 to 8.0. The side room was okay and we finally managed to get a few hours sleep as the symphony of A&E could now only be heard in the distance. I was told that as soon as a room became available on my ward, Laurel 3 I would be taken there.
16 hours later…
It was now 6pm on Friday night and I was finally being taken to my ward where I would have my own room with a private toilet and essentially be in isolation for a few days to be honest though I didn’t mind. The rooms are quite nice and it’s better then being on a ward with everyone. Over the next few days my neutrophils started to come back up and I began to feel like myself again and I was finally able to come home on oral antibiotics on Monday afternoon. It’s hard to stay positive sometimes when you’re in hospital and have to deal with yet another setback, but I remind myself of how far I’ve come and how I don’t have too far to go. After chemo on Thursday I will only have 4 more to go and to be honest, I cannot bloody wait!
But, in other news I saw my consultant in December and received the results of my halfway scan. The tumours in my neck and chest have completely gone!!! This means that although they have gone, I still have to carry on with chemotherapy just to make sure it has completely gone (good riddance I say!!). To say I am relieved would be an understatement, but I know I have to keep fighting and I can’t fully relax and celebrate until I get my all clear in March/April.
However, I did receive some devastating news a few weeks ago. My consultant but also my friend, the best man in the world has been signed off work for 6 months with ill health, which means he will no longer be able to accompany me on what’s left of this bloody awful journey. By the time he comes back to work I should hopefully be done with cancer and treatment and living my life. This has been really hard for me to get my head around as I rely on my consultant for so much, the constant support he has given me is truly overwhelming and I can’t thank him enough. I’m struggling to see how I am going to do it without him, but as he has said to me I must stay strong and that ‘this is all gods testing time.’ Things in life get sent to test us and to show us how strong we really are and I will not let him down.
I just wanted to finish this post by saying thank you to my amazing family and boyfriend, I really wouldn’t be able to do this without them by my side every step of the way.
8 more bloody weeks of hell until freedom!
Love Grace xo
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| My carer (mum) and I |
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